So far my overseas trip has been going extraordinarily well.
When I consider that I left the planning very late and that I shortened the UK portion of my trip by two days in order to squeeze in The Wall prior to my departure, it feels almost miraculous that it has been going as smoothly as it has.
If I am to see everyone I hope to see here, my UK itinerary contains no room for error. I have been incredibly fortunate that everything has lined up in my favour. In fact things have not merely worked out as well as could have been expected. So far they have exceeded my hopes.
My British rellies and friends have been amused by my assertion that I have horseshoes up my ass. But, if you had witnessed how obstacle after obstacle had evaported, I believe you would agree.
Although I had been reluctant to leave Nanaimo at a critical time in the life of Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community, I am very much enjoying my reunions with family members and friends in the UK. For the first time, I've also seen something of the UK beyond London. I've been to Wales and Devon.
I am enjoying the UK's gorgeous and charming old buildings but, in contrast to my previous visits to Europe, seeing all this history has not left me with a sense of deprivation. I do not feel as if Canada is deficient because it lacks this kind of architecture. I just feel as if Canada is different from Europe. Different. Neither inferior nor superior.
On the train between Wales and Devon, a woman asked me where I came from. I said I lived on Vancouver Island in Canada. She asked me what it was like there. I said I loved it. She said she was psychic, and she could tell that I was very happy. She said it was a burden being psychic. She said that, in light of the amount of unhappiness she detected on any given day, it was a pleasure to meet someone who was as happy as I was.
The woman may or may not have been psychic. I won't bother speculating about that. But, as my niece subsequently said, you didn't need to be psychic to know how I felt when I talked about Vancouver Island.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
My Wall
This past weekend I completed a three and a half day workshop called The Wall. The objective of the workshop was to identify my driving needs and life purpose.
For me it was a profound experience. Prior to this, I had undertaken other activities that had been designed to help me understand who I was and what made me tick. I had gone into therapy, done other workshops, hired a life coach, read self-help books, kept a journal, and meditated. Along the way, I had found out magnificent and terrible things about my family of origin and about myself.
During this latest workshop, I peeled away another layer of the onion, and went deeper than I had gone on previous occasions. I realised that, almost my whole life, I had operated from the premise that, if I revealed that I was clever and capable, my father would kill me. It started out as a belief about my father, but later transformed into a belief about all men and, I would go so far as to say, a belief about the world in general.
If previous experience is anything to go by, my mother and my parents' friends would think I was stark raving mad if they heard this assertion. I once shared a much less significant revelation with them, and they reacted very negatively. "How could you say such a thing about your father? He was such a wonderful person."
Yes, I know what an awesome person he was. According to some people's values, he did great things for society. He also loved his family and gave us some happy times. When I was a young kid, he used to have "circus hour" after dinner every night. He would get down on the living room floor and do acrobatic tricks with us kids. Alternatively, he would take us outside, lie down on the lawn, look up at the sky, and point out the constellations to us. We lived on a farm without light pollution, so we had the luxury of a dark sky. He used to take us hiking, camping, boating and fishing. He adored the ocean. Whenever I'm at the seaside or at a lake, I am aware of his presence. I can feel the delight that he would experience in a scene like that.
So, yes, I do know that he was a terrific person and that he loved me. And, yes, I also know that he would have wanted to kill me if I had not dumbed myself down and protected his fragile ego.
I now have a better understanding of the terror that I experienced when I separated from my husband, bought into Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community, and moved from Calgary to Nanaimo. It wasn't just the uncertainty of leaving family and friends behind, moving to an unfamiliar place, and getting involved in a somewhat experimental venture.
Yes, to be sure, it was all of that. But it also was the fact that, like Bluebeard's wife, I was unlocking the door to the forbidden room and, if I was caught, I would die.
During my first couple of months in Nanaimo, when I was experiencing both exhilaration and panic, I watched a movie called The Void. It was about Joe Simpson's terrifying mountaineering ordeal in the Peruvian Andes. Simpson's courage and perseverance were a great inspiration to me as I stared into the abyss and broke into a cold sweat.
Tomorrow I will be leaving Nanaimo for eight weeks. Amongst other things, I will be participating in a family reunion in Swaziland to celebrate my mother's 80th birthday. Things have been crazy busy, and this was an insane time at which to take out three and a half days in order to participate in a workshop. Yet, as I was going into it, Kari, one of my fellow Pacific Gardeners who was a graduate of the workshop, said that it would be invaluable for me to do it prior to my meeting with my family. Having come out the other end, I wholeheartedly agree with her. I feel way more grounded and ready to see them.
I also am leaving in the happy knowledge that Pacific Gardens is even more closely aligned with my driving needs and my life purpose than I had dreamed. It's as if someone had taken my driving needs and life purpose and used them as a template to create a model. They then gave that model a name. It's called cohousing.
I am so glad that I scaled the symbolic wall that isolated me from a life affirming community and that I now belong.
For me it was a profound experience. Prior to this, I had undertaken other activities that had been designed to help me understand who I was and what made me tick. I had gone into therapy, done other workshops, hired a life coach, read self-help books, kept a journal, and meditated. Along the way, I had found out magnificent and terrible things about my family of origin and about myself.
During this latest workshop, I peeled away another layer of the onion, and went deeper than I had gone on previous occasions. I realised that, almost my whole life, I had operated from the premise that, if I revealed that I was clever and capable, my father would kill me. It started out as a belief about my father, but later transformed into a belief about all men and, I would go so far as to say, a belief about the world in general.
If previous experience is anything to go by, my mother and my parents' friends would think I was stark raving mad if they heard this assertion. I once shared a much less significant revelation with them, and they reacted very negatively. "How could you say such a thing about your father? He was such a wonderful person."
Yes, I know what an awesome person he was. According to some people's values, he did great things for society. He also loved his family and gave us some happy times. When I was a young kid, he used to have "circus hour" after dinner every night. He would get down on the living room floor and do acrobatic tricks with us kids. Alternatively, he would take us outside, lie down on the lawn, look up at the sky, and point out the constellations to us. We lived on a farm without light pollution, so we had the luxury of a dark sky. He used to take us hiking, camping, boating and fishing. He adored the ocean. Whenever I'm at the seaside or at a lake, I am aware of his presence. I can feel the delight that he would experience in a scene like that.
So, yes, I do know that he was a terrific person and that he loved me. And, yes, I also know that he would have wanted to kill me if I had not dumbed myself down and protected his fragile ego.
I now have a better understanding of the terror that I experienced when I separated from my husband, bought into Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community, and moved from Calgary to Nanaimo. It wasn't just the uncertainty of leaving family and friends behind, moving to an unfamiliar place, and getting involved in a somewhat experimental venture.
Yes, to be sure, it was all of that. But it also was the fact that, like Bluebeard's wife, I was unlocking the door to the forbidden room and, if I was caught, I would die.
During my first couple of months in Nanaimo, when I was experiencing both exhilaration and panic, I watched a movie called The Void. It was about Joe Simpson's terrifying mountaineering ordeal in the Peruvian Andes. Simpson's courage and perseverance were a great inspiration to me as I stared into the abyss and broke into a cold sweat.
Tomorrow I will be leaving Nanaimo for eight weeks. Amongst other things, I will be participating in a family reunion in Swaziland to celebrate my mother's 80th birthday. Things have been crazy busy, and this was an insane time at which to take out three and a half days in order to participate in a workshop. Yet, as I was going into it, Kari, one of my fellow Pacific Gardeners who was a graduate of the workshop, said that it would be invaluable for me to do it prior to my meeting with my family. Having come out the other end, I wholeheartedly agree with her. I feel way more grounded and ready to see them.
I also am leaving in the happy knowledge that Pacific Gardens is even more closely aligned with my driving needs and my life purpose than I had dreamed. It's as if someone had taken my driving needs and life purpose and used them as a template to create a model. They then gave that model a name. It's called cohousing.
I am so glad that I scaled the symbolic wall that isolated me from a life affirming community and that I now belong.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Sabbatical
On June 2nd, I'm going to be leaving for an eight-week trip. The motivation for the journey is to participate in a family reunion to celebrate my mother's 80th birthday in Swaziland.
Between now and then, I'm going to be participating in a workshop called The Wall, vacating the house I've been renting, and storing my stuff in a kind friend's basement.
Construction of Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community will be completed during my absence, and several of my fellow owners will be moving in while I'm away. I feel sad that I will miss a momentous phase in the life of my cohousing community.
However, my mother's 80th birthday -- with one of my brothers travelling to the reunion from Australia and my travelling to it from Canada -- also is an important milestone.
Fortunately, Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community still will be here when I get back home to Nanaimo. I am excited about moving into my apartment upon my return. Our building looks more attractive every time I see it. When the cranes and delivery trucks are gone and our landscape plan has been implemented, our property will look beautiful.
One of the things that I love about our community is our name. The founders were environmentalists, and the garden element was important to them. To me there are different kinds of gardens. Whether or not the founders consciously articulated this, I believe they would agree with me. There will be the botanical gardens as well as the spiritual gardens that will be embodied in the interior and community lives of the people who will enliven the structure.
I look forward to being reunited with my community on July 27th.
Between now and then, I'm going to be participating in a workshop called The Wall, vacating the house I've been renting, and storing my stuff in a kind friend's basement.
Construction of Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community will be completed during my absence, and several of my fellow owners will be moving in while I'm away. I feel sad that I will miss a momentous phase in the life of my cohousing community.
However, my mother's 80th birthday -- with one of my brothers travelling to the reunion from Australia and my travelling to it from Canada -- also is an important milestone.
Fortunately, Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community still will be here when I get back home to Nanaimo. I am excited about moving into my apartment upon my return. Our building looks more attractive every time I see it. When the cranes and delivery trucks are gone and our landscape plan has been implemented, our property will look beautiful.
One of the things that I love about our community is our name. The founders were environmentalists, and the garden element was important to them. To me there are different kinds of gardens. Whether or not the founders consciously articulated this, I believe they would agree with me. There will be the botanical gardens as well as the spiritual gardens that will be embodied in the interior and community lives of the people who will enliven the structure.
I look forward to being reunited with my community on July 27th.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Rights of Indigenous Peoples
I am ashamed that Canada is only one of three countries in the world that have refused to endorse the United Nations' Declaration on Rights of Indigenous Peoples. The other two recalcitrant countries are the United States and New Zealand.
When the UN initially adopted the Declaration in September 2007, Australia voted against it. However, even Australia now has agreed to it.
My excellent Member of Parliament, Jean Crowder, will be holding an informal meeting here in Nanaimo tomorrow. It happens, by coincidence, that she is the Federal NDP critic for Aboriginal Affairs. I am going to attend the meeting and tell her what I think. I'm sure she'll agree with me, so in that sense I'll be preaching to the choir. Still, I feel an urge to do something.
Hmmm ....... I wonder if I could convince Jean Crowder that she is too good for the NDP and that it would make sense for her to switch her allegiance to the Green Party. :-)
When the UN initially adopted the Declaration in September 2007, Australia voted against it. However, even Australia now has agreed to it.
My excellent Member of Parliament, Jean Crowder, will be holding an informal meeting here in Nanaimo tomorrow. It happens, by coincidence, that she is the Federal NDP critic for Aboriginal Affairs. I am going to attend the meeting and tell her what I think. I'm sure she'll agree with me, so in that sense I'll be preaching to the choir. Still, I feel an urge to do something.
Hmmm ....... I wonder if I could convince Jean Crowder that she is too good for the NDP and that it would make sense for her to switch her allegiance to the Green Party. :-)
Thursday, May 21, 2009
10 Steps to Peace
I like this excerpt from the website of The Center for Nonviolent Communication.
10 Things We Can Do to Contribute to Internal, Interpersonal, and Organizational Peace
At this moment, the most challenging advice on the list, for me, is Number Three. Of course I subscribe to that value ....... in theory. But talk is cheap. Whether or not I walk my talk is the test.
10 Things We Can Do to Contribute to Internal, Interpersonal, and Organizational Peace
- Spend some time each day quietly reflecting on how we would like to relate to ourselves and others.
- Remember that all human beings have the same needs.
- Check our intention to see if we are as interested in others getting their needs met as our own.
- When asking someone to do something, check first to see if we are making a request or a demand.
- Instead of saying what we DON'T want someone to do, say what we DO want the person to do.
- Instead of saying what we want someone to BE, say what action we'd like the person to take that we hope will help the person be that way.
- Before agreeing or disagreeing with anyone's opinions, try to tune in to what the person is feeling and needing.
- Instead of saying "No," say what need of ours prevents us from saying "Yes."
- If we are feeling upset, think about what need of ours is not being met, and what we could do to meet it, instead of thinking about what's wrong with others or ourselves.
- Instead of praising someone who did something we like, express our gratitude by telling the person what need of ours that action met.
At this moment, the most challenging advice on the list, for me, is Number Three. Of course I subscribe to that value ....... in theory. But talk is cheap. Whether or not I walk my talk is the test.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Vargas Adventure
I promised to tell you about my camping trip to Vargas Island over the Victoria Day long weekend. It was enchanting.
What I liked best about it was the solitude. The first time we saw anyone besides the members of our own travel party was around noon on the day of our departure, just as we were packing up to return home. The scenery was gorgeous, as was the sound of the waves when I fell asleep on the beach.
Although the sky was overcast most of the time that we were there, the rain was confined to short overnight showers. The weather was dry during daylight hours, and that made the logistics of camping and hiking easier.
The company was congenial too.
We left home on Saturday morning, May 16th, 2009, and returned on Sunday evening, May 18th, 2009.
In the picture above, we have just disembarked from the boat that ferried us from Tofino to the near shore of Vargas Island. We are about to hike across the island to Ahous Bay on the far shore. From left to right: Sarah, Sue, Lynne, Michael and Ian.
Above are our tents on the beach at Ahous Bay, on the west coast of Vargas Island. My trip was made possible by the generosity, cooperation and collaboration of friends. Charles and Lynne gave me a ride from Nanaimo to Tofino and back again. My fellow Pacific Gardeners, Chad and Susana, lent me a tent and a backpack. Ian lent me a sleeping bag and a foam camping mattress, as well as sharing his camp stove with me.
Above our party is setting out for a Sunday morning hike. Left to right: Sarah, Sue, Charles, Ian, Peter, Lynne and Michael. The piece of foam that Peter and Michael are carrying was salvaged from the beach. The idea is to use it as a raft with which to cross a lagoon further up the island. Sarah and Michael, in particular, displayed great creativity in finding uses for found objects.
I liked the patterns that waves had made in the sand.
Sunset from Ahous Bay.
In the series of peak moments I have experienced since I moved to Nanaimo, a period during which one superlative has overtaken another, Vargas Island is right up there with the best.
If you would like to see more photos, I have posted some on this website.
What I liked best about it was the solitude. The first time we saw anyone besides the members of our own travel party was around noon on the day of our departure, just as we were packing up to return home. The scenery was gorgeous, as was the sound of the waves when I fell asleep on the beach.
Although the sky was overcast most of the time that we were there, the rain was confined to short overnight showers. The weather was dry during daylight hours, and that made the logistics of camping and hiking easier.
The company was congenial too.
We left home on Saturday morning, May 16th, 2009, and returned on Sunday evening, May 18th, 2009.
In the picture above, we have just disembarked from the boat that ferried us from Tofino to the near shore of Vargas Island. We are about to hike across the island to Ahous Bay on the far shore. From left to right: Sarah, Sue, Lynne, Michael and Ian.
Above are our tents on the beach at Ahous Bay, on the west coast of Vargas Island. My trip was made possible by the generosity, cooperation and collaboration of friends. Charles and Lynne gave me a ride from Nanaimo to Tofino and back again. My fellow Pacific Gardeners, Chad and Susana, lent me a tent and a backpack. Ian lent me a sleeping bag and a foam camping mattress, as well as sharing his camp stove with me. 
Above our party is setting out for a Sunday morning hike. Left to right: Sarah, Sue, Charles, Ian, Peter, Lynne and Michael. The piece of foam that Peter and Michael are carrying was salvaged from the beach. The idea is to use it as a raft with which to cross a lagoon further up the island. Sarah and Michael, in particular, displayed great creativity in finding uses for found objects. 
I liked the patterns that waves had made in the sand. 
Sunset from Ahous Bay.In the series of peak moments I have experienced since I moved to Nanaimo, a period during which one superlative has overtaken another, Vargas Island is right up there with the best.
If you would like to see more photos, I have posted some on this website.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Off to Vargas Island
I am off to visit Vargas Island with friends for the Victoria Day long weekend. We will drive to Tofino on the west coast of Vancouver Island, catch a boat to Vargas Island, hike across the island, and camp on the far shore. I'm expecting it to be fun. When I get back home to Nanaimo, I'll let you know how it went.
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