How To Be A Successful Cohouser

I’ve been reading Kathryn’s posts on our life here at Pacific Gardens and am finding them really interesting! It made me think about what makes a successful cohouser, and so, removing my “rose-coloured glasses", this is what I have noticed.

Usually the only people who don't fit in have totally unrealistic expectations, and can’t cope with reality. We are just people....and people come in all shapes, sizes and backgrounds, with various opinions and personalities. Throw in youngsters with exuberance, and we have a real mix of what it is like to be in a community. People who are completely stuck in their ways and how everyone else should be, get stressed when we use consensus, and not the "loudest voice wins!!".

Compromise, flexibility, compassionate communication, understanding other points of view, and co-operation go a long way to make life enjoyable for yourself and others. If this fits for you, I think you will thrive in cohousing.

Not everyone here has let go of "being right", but it sure helps to do so, if you want to make friends and reduce conflict. The dynamics of our life at Pacific Gardens change with each new resident. That is the joy and the challenge of living in community. Remember that it is a "personal growth opportunity!!"

Susana

P.S. Here is a picture of me taking part in a permaculture course at Pacific Gardens.

The rock-polisher effect, part II

Earlier in this blog I talked about the rock-polisher effect of cohousing, and how it had helped me become a better person, by making me more patient.  Well, to be honest, saying it's made me more patient is somewhat of an exaggeration.  In fact, I think a truer representation would be to say it's made me a bit more patient, or even a teensy bit more patient.

You see, patience doesn't come easily to me.  First off, I've spent most of my life working in media, so deadlines are of critical importance to me.  Second, I am what you could call a hot reactor - in fact, my father  dubbed me "the atomic-powered mosquito" when I was a child.

I really do try to sit still and listen during our community meetings as we go through the consensus process, and I have been to communication workshops where once again, I am told the importance of listening.

But I don't know what happens - I hear something and before I know it, I am responding without the frontal lobes of my brain even realizing it.  And watching me try to sit still and listen when someone says something I disagree with is interesting. Our next-door neighbour, Ian Gartshore, who has witnessed this during Green Party meetings, says it's like seeing the human equivalent of a cell-phone on vibrate.

At least now I don't catapult myself out of my chair, and I have been known to wait at least a few minutes before I express my point of view rather energetically, and it takes only a few attempts by other people in the meeting to get me to stop interrupting.

Maybe when I'm older (I'm now of pensionable age) I'll master this.  In the meantime, this rock still needs some patient polishing.

Kathryn

(Here I am a meeting - the second from the right - being patient.)

That's why I'm here

Yikes!  It's been almost a week since I last posted.  It's been too hot...at least that's my excuse. Today we're supposed to have a thunder-storm - a rare event on Vancouver Island - and it's not the first. The weather's been crazy everywhere.  Climate change is happening, and what we're seeing this summer is only the beginning.

It was my concern about climate change that was the major deciding factor when I joined the group that was developing Pacific Gardens.  If I was going to be living in a world shaken by the effects of a changing climate, I wanted to be in a caring, supportive community, where we looked out for each other.

Most importantly, I wanted to be with people who had the imagination and wherewithal to look at different ways of living - growing our own food, recycling, bicycling, walking and car-pooling to places, sharing resources, reducing consumption, making our own entertainment and fun, networking with others to build on what we have.

I haven't been disappointed. Yes, we have struggles and conflicts, just like any other group of people, but because we share a common vision of a better world, we try to solve them. And as I look out my living-room window at the multitude of beautiful flowers and fruits and vegetables growing in people's gardens, watch the myriad butterflies and the birds, and hear the children playing, Pacific Gardens seems like an oasis of tranquility in this troubled old world.

And that's why I'm here.

Kathryn

The rock-polisher effect

Sometimes it's hard to explain to people why I chose to live in cohousing.  It isn't always easy; in fact, sometimes it's downright challenging. I guess the best answer I can give is that I like living here because it makes me a better person.

Diana Leafe Christian, cohousing guru and author, has described it as the rock-polisher effect. By tumbling up against each other as we struggle to live in community, we round off our sharp edges, become brighter, more beautiful.

For me, I've learned how to be more patient with myself and others, more accepting of differences. Understanding others takes time, and that's good. It's also given me the courage to live according to my beliefs, knowing that there are others who will join me along the way. And that is a great gift, worth all the challenges.

Kathryn

Where neighbours become friends

There are times when I think that living in cohousing is too much - too many meetings, too many tasks, too much argy-bargy.

And then I experience what I did in the last two days.  I had to go to hospital for a diagnostic test today, and sent out an e-mail for someone to drive me there and back. I immediately had offers of help from two people.

Then, I had problems with a lock, sent out another e-mail asking for help, and within five minutes one of my neighbours showed up and fixed it in a nanosecond.

And finally, this afternoon, when I came back from the hospital, a neighbour showed up at my door with a gift of a scrumptious cinnamon bun - apologizing that it didn't have any icing!

Now, I don't want to give the impression that cohousing is all about what you can get from others.  It's also about what you can give. And this culture of giving is contagious - when you see your neighbours helping each other out, you feel motivated to do the same.  And that builds connections and trust.

So, despite having to endure a rather unpleasant medical test, I am feeling really good this afternoon, thanks to my wonderful, caring neighbours here at Pacific Gardens!

Kathryn

My first cohousing blog ever!

I admit I am not always au courant with the latest in online developments. I only got into Facebook and Twitter when I was (briefly) a Green Party candidate.  I have to say, though, that I am finding them a wonderful tool for connecting like-minded people, and, with Twitter, making pithy comments.

Blogging is different, however.  I've kept a journal for many years, recording my innermost thoughts and dreams, but this is much more public, a cross between a newspaper story and a personal account. Blogging about cohousing, and particularly, life at Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community, will be interesting, so watch this space!

Kathryn

The adventure continues

Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community has come a long way since I started this blog. Back then we weren't yet living our dream. Our complex still was under construction.

I called my blog, My Cohousing Adventure. I shared my experience of moving from Calgary, Alberta to Nanaimo, British Columbia. That involved integrating into communities within communities.

The most closely knit circle was Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community. But there were other groups of people with common interests in Nanaimo, on Vancouver Island, and further afield along the British Columbia coast.

It's interesting to look up my first blog post and see what I wrote. It was on November 25, 2008, and I titled it Pigs Will Fly.

Fast forward to June 25, 2012. Believe it or not, I think it's fair to say that pigs are flying!

The residents of Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community are a wide cross section of people. There are elders, middle aged baby boomers, university students, and families with young children. Pacific Gardens seems to be a mini United Nations, with people of many nationalities and religions.

One of the characteristics of Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community from the very beginning was a fondness of potluck suppers. At 6:00 pm every Thursday there's a potluck that's open to the public. This often attracts repeat visits by friends and family members as well as one-off visits on the part of people who are curious about cohousing.

But there also are many spontaneous potluck suppers on other occasions. When a new person or family moves in, a potluck is held to ease their evening meal on their busy moving day. Potlucks are held for many other reasons too. Pacific Gardeners love them, and will hold one at the drop of a hat.

I like the fact that the community's name includes Gardens. It's an apt metaphor for the reality on the ground.

If you take the word literally, several community members are keen gardeners, even to the extent of hosting permaculture courses at Pacific Gardens.

But many other kinds of "gardening" are happening too. Cohousing is a way of life that grows people.

Learning how to cooperate with neighbours is an ongoing journey. During conflicts, I've thought of this or that person as a weed. But then, on other occasions, one of those very "weeds" has turned out to be a person of great sensitivity. He or she has noticed an unmet need in our community, and has rallied us to support a person who could use a shoulder to lean on. My idea of what a "weed" is has been challenged again and again.

I'm sure that other Pacific Gardeners could say the same of me -- that I have contributed to their personal growth.

I could rattle on about all the neat stuff that happens at Pacific Gardens -- the interesting forums on environmental topics, the movie nights, the musical evenings, the meditation circles, the yoga classes, the painting bee to decorate the dining tables ....... you name it.

I could try to give you a sense of the porous boundary between Pacific Gardens and the surrounding community -- how much interface there is between Pacific Gardens and external friends, family members and folks with common concerns.

But ....... other Pacific Gardeners have expressed a desire to post on this blog. I am thrilled about that. To me, it means that Pacific Gardens truly is showing itself up as the garden I always thought it would be. From here on in, there will be a variety of voices representing the community.

So ....... with that ....... drum roll ....... I hereby re-name this blog .......



OUR Cohousing Adventure!