As I created a title for a new blog post, I chuckled when I noticed that I'd transposed the letters, and had typed My scared body.
That typo probably says it all. I used to be afraid.
As I have settled into supportive communities in Nanaimo, love, peace and joy have flowed in and replaced fear.
One of the developments I have noticed is how much I have been drawn to physical activity and how much I have been enjoying my body.
Last week I moved to a house from which I can walk to most amenities that I need. It has been a tremendous pleasure to walk. I enjoy the sensation of walking. I'm grateful for my comfortable shoes and for a body that is healthy enough to walk. When I walk, I notice so many things about my neighbourhood that would not be visible from a car.
Recently I joined a Tai Chi class, and have been enjoying the slow, gentle, but surprisingly demanding, movements.
Yesterday, Everybody Sings resumed after the Christmas and New Year break. It was delightful to participate once again in the lively singing, clapping and dancing. Shirley said it reminded her of kindergarten, and Ian said it reminded him of summer camp when he'd been a teenager. It sure is fun to be transported back to kindergarten or summer camp as an adult, or to experience them for the first time if you missed out as a kid.
Last night I tried Sacred Circle Dancing for the first time. I found it peaceful, meditative and grounding. I especially liked the fact that there was very little talking, and we dancers just gave ourselves over to the soft music and flowing movement.
Our Sacred Circle Dance teacher, Maureen Wild, said that dancing helped us to be conscious of our bodies, to feel connected to the planet and nature, and to experience ourselves as something other than "a head on a stick."
Food has taken on a new dimension for me too. I have just taken a break from typing and eaten a perfectly ripe tomato. As I sank my teeth into its juicy, red flesh, I reveled in the delicious taste. I was conscious of the earth, water, air and sunlight that had poured themselves into the tomato plant. I appreciated the tomato for giving up its life to sustain mine.
I am experiencing myself as a sacred being, sharing my life with other sacred beings, in a sacred time and space.
My scared self, in the meantime, seems to have kicked off her shoes and joined the dance.
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Friday, January 23, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Could you bear to be happy?
Ever since I moved to Nanaimo, British Columbia in the middle of September 2008, I have been happy -- delectably, deliciously, deliriously happy.
Sure, I've had the occasional test, like the time my vehicle got stuck in the snow on a country road. But even those challenges have turned into blessings. They have brought me into contact with kind people, angels in disguise, whom I otherwise would not have met.
When I first got here, I thought I was going through a honeymoon phase and that it might wear off. Now admittedly, it's still relatively early days for me in Nanaimo. But it is coming up for four months, and -- if anything -- I'm feeling even happier than I did when I arrived.
Some days -- and this has been one of them -- my joy has been so intense that I have found it almost unbearable. I am not accustomed to serving as the container for so much delight.
This has caused me to reflect on my past, when I rarely was as ecstatic as I am now. If sustained happiness could have been handed to me on a platter back then, would I have been receptive to it? Maybe, but then again maybe not.
You may be puzzled by my assertion that I previously could not have tolerated being too happy for too long and the implied extrapolation that many people are the same way. You may be thinking, "Of course I want to be happy. Who wouldn't?"
But just stop and think about it. Could you stand to live in a state of bliss for four months? Never mind that. Could you stand it for four days?
Based on my past performance, I would say I would not have been able to take it. I suspect I was too attached to sadness and fear. They were familiar. I was comfortable being uncomfortable, paradoxical as that may sound.
Having very few breaks from my current state of cheer has been a stretching exercise for me. But, wow, it feels to me like a nice challenge to have.
Sure, I've had the occasional test, like the time my vehicle got stuck in the snow on a country road. But even those challenges have turned into blessings. They have brought me into contact with kind people, angels in disguise, whom I otherwise would not have met.
When I first got here, I thought I was going through a honeymoon phase and that it might wear off. Now admittedly, it's still relatively early days for me in Nanaimo. But it is coming up for four months, and -- if anything -- I'm feeling even happier than I did when I arrived.
Some days -- and this has been one of them -- my joy has been so intense that I have found it almost unbearable. I am not accustomed to serving as the container for so much delight.
This has caused me to reflect on my past, when I rarely was as ecstatic as I am now. If sustained happiness could have been handed to me on a platter back then, would I have been receptive to it? Maybe, but then again maybe not.
You may be puzzled by my assertion that I previously could not have tolerated being too happy for too long and the implied extrapolation that many people are the same way. You may be thinking, "Of course I want to be happy. Who wouldn't?"
But just stop and think about it. Could you stand to live in a state of bliss for four months? Never mind that. Could you stand it for four days?
Based on my past performance, I would say I would not have been able to take it. I suspect I was too attached to sadness and fear. They were familiar. I was comfortable being uncomfortable, paradoxical as that may sound.
Having very few breaks from my current state of cheer has been a stretching exercise for me. But, wow, it feels to me like a nice challenge to have.
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