Good friends. Good tea. Good life.

In life there are always going to be those special people that just get you and you get them. Like a magic that makes hours seem like minutes.  Where conversation is honest and honours the other person. People who don't judge but accept. Who give and share without the expectation of receiving in return.

Today I got to spend an evening with one of those people. I was able to share some tea, some Josh Groban and some hand-crafting with a friend in the Community Dinning Hall. All the while enjoying beautiful Christmas carols and snacking on little gingerbread men cookies and grapes.

And as it can be in Community, we had five people stop in for small chats throughout our visit.

These are things I am grateful for. Good friends. Good tea. Good life.

-Myriam

To a friend's house the way is never long.

To a friend's house the way is never long.

That was a poster that my friend, Mary, had in her kitchen in Calgary. Whenever I was in her house and saw the poster, I reflected on the truth of it. She and I lived at opposite ends of Calgary, but visiting her never felt like a chore. It didn't even feel onerous later, when a visit to her involved that protracted trans-Pacific flight from Melbourne.

I’ve just been wondering why I don't notice the "work" involved in visiting a beloved friend. The answer, for me, is that the reward far exceeds the effort.

In the world of financial investments, this is called ROI (return on investment). I have witnessed this principle again and again in the context of cohousing.

Last night, half a dozen or so members of my community had a difficult discussion. It took a long time for them to work through their issue, and it required tremendous patience. Each person listened, suspended judgement, and parked his/her ego off to one side. Tree Bressen, who facilitated a workshop for us last autumn, refers to this as being of service to the group.

After a lengthy and demanding conversation, my fellow cohos got through their dark tunnel and back into the light.

In one sense, it took a lot of effort for me even to witness this interaction. Yet, in another sense, I thought nothing of it. It doesn’t occur to me to count the cost, because the rewards of the entire enterprise so far outstrip any exertion that I put into it.

Community definitely is one of those phenomena of which it can be said that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. The ROI that I have received from it is beyond measure.

I also happen to believe that, if anything will enable us humans to meet our challenges, it will be community, which I view as just another word for love.

The stone stops here

For much of my life, I have been a rolling stone. I have lived in ten places, in five countries, on three continents.

Because I did not have a geographical anchor, I used to get a sense of identity from my circle of family, friends and acquaintances around the world. I used to feel that being known by that group of people was what confirmed my existence. I had a low grade fear of dropping off their radar screens. I used to put effort into staying in touch with them, sending Christmas letters and that sort of thing.

That changed when I followed my bliss and moved to Nanaimo, British Columbia last autumn. Although I had never lived on Vancouver Island, relocating here felt to me like arriving home. Since I have settled on the island, it has felt insignificant to me whether or not there are people around the planet who know me.

I put this down to the fact that I am basking in the warm glow of a friendly and caring community whose ethos is compatible with my values. I am referring of course to Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community, which constitutes my home base in Nanaimo.

Ironically, at the very time at which I no longer needed them, I received a cascade of e-mails and Facebook messages from former classmates from my Johannesburg high school. These developments had been triggered by a classmate who had done some detective work and had found out where many of us lived. In most cases it had been forty years since we’d been in contact with each other.

It has been tremendous fun for us to catch up. Happily, I will be able to see some of them in the United Kingdom and South Africa when I travel to my mother’s eightieth birthday celebration in Swaziland later this year. We’ve also discovered that a handful of us live on the west coast of North American, all the way from Vancouver down to Los Angeles. This contingent is planning a mini reunion in Vancouver.

I may have confused you when I said that I didn’t need my former classmates and yet was enjoying hooking up with them. Well, yes, that’s exactly what feels so delightful. It is cool to communicate with friends from a former life. Yet, because I really do have a life, I don’t need them. I hope for their sakes that they can say the same.

Plugging in

At a function the other night I met a woman who recently had moved to Nanaimo. She invited me to meet her for coffee. She told me she was trying to get to know local people. She said, "You know what it's like when you move to a new place and don't know anyone."

Yes, from previous relocations, I knew what she meant. But that reminded me how different my move to Nanaimo had been. When I'd arrived here in September 2008, I'd hit the ground running. I plugged in so quickly, it would have made your head spin.

That was entirely owing to the fact that I'd joined Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community. Even before I'd moved to Nanaimo, while I still was packing up in Calgary, my fellow cohos already were e-mailing me and telling me about upcoming events in Nanaimo and activities I could join.

Very soon after getting here, I knew heaps of people, had a full calendar, and felt as if I'd lived here for years.

When I scanned my calendar to find a free slot in which to meet this lovely new acquaintance for coffee or lunch two weeks out, I did not want to sound like a poser. But the fact was that I had to pick through several activities to find some openings.

On almost a daily basis I am reminded of my gratitude for having found and joined a cohousing community.

Home is where the heart is

Yesterday afternoon, a friend introduced me to lovely Westwood Lake. As the name suggests, it's on the western outskirts of Nanaimo. We had a most enjoyable walk on the forested trail around the lake.

Fortunately the Nanaimo that I am getting to know is prettier than the Nanaimo I first saw. On that initial visit, I had flown into Comox, rented a car, and driven south to Nanaimo. My first impression of Nanaimo was a series of strip malls, car dealerships and shopping malls along the highway. It was not an auspicious beginning.

In this respect, Nanaimo is not alone. Many towns in British Columbia are laid out in a similar way. The town is intersected by a highway lined with strip malls, car dealerships, and the like. If this was all you saw of the town, you might be underwhelmed.

Kamloops, in the interior of BC, is a case in point. I had driven through there several times on journeys between Calgary and Vancouver. I thought it was one of the most ordinary places I'd ever seen. Then, on one occasion, I had an overnight break there. I didn't stay in a motel along the highway, but one that was right in the heart of Kamloops. I got lost on my way to the motel, and had to meander through the town for some time. But this gave me a chance to see more of the town. What a difference that drive made. I got a very different impression -- and a most favourable one at that.

In having found Nanaimo, I feel as I imagine Goldilocks did after she'd identified just the right chair, just the right plate of porridge, and just the right bed. At this juncture in my life, Nanaimo feels just right.

But it is not just Nanaimo's pretty face that makes it feel so much like home -- although the point of this post is to acknowledge that Nanaimo does have a lot of beauty. What turned the walk around Westwood Lake from a black and white picture into a colour picture, from an emotional point of view, was having a friend with whom to share the constantly changing light and other things we noticed along the way.

By arriving in Nanaimo, not just as any stranger, but as a new co-owner of Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community, I have been privileged to have been embraced by a circle of friends. This circle is comprised not only of Pacific Gardeners, but also their friends who share a variety of interests with them. To paraphrase Goethe, this has made Nanaimo for me an inhabited garden.