Happy Kids, Happy Parents, Happy Community

Our Mia did something particularly wonderful for the community last week. She organized a meeting where the parents here could talk about their experience of living at Pacific Gardens.

So what's the big deal, you say - you had another community gabfest, and people got a chance to talk about the kids and their life here. Why was that so special?

It was special because it was the first time the parents were able to tell the rest of us how much it meant to them to be living in cohousing - and we were able to tell them how much it meant to us to have the kids here.

We found out that there were some misunderstandings and miscommunications that had caused some concern. No - we definitely did not want to be a retirement community with only seniors living here!

And no, the parents did not mind if we approached their kids when misbehaving, as long as we talked to them with respect, just as we would to any adult.

And they were thrilled that their children were developing multi-generational relationships, interacting with adults from age 23 to 83 - an opportunity rarely found elsewhere in society.

They talked of their hopes and fears for their kids, and their worries that they weren't as good at parenting as they should be.  Those of us who had been there assured them that perfection is not a job requirement for parents!

Most importantly, the adults without kids were able to tell them how much the children meant to us, how we treasured their presence, loved to hear their laughter, and learned from them.

It was moving, powerful, life-affirming, and authentic. Without the children Pacific Gardens wouldn't be as happy and connected.

Thank you, Mia!

Kathryn

A new day

The entry entitled Six on Annie's Sensible Living blog brought up regrets for me. When I see how Annie, Krista of the This Inspired Life blog, and some other parents of young children employ the principles of nonviolent communication, my heart aches.

When my kids were young, I did the best I could with the information, resources and personal capacity I had at the time. But, if I had known then what I know now, I would have done many things differently. Yet I don't have a rewind button that allows me to go back and start again. So my whole past -- the good, the bad, and the ugly -- remains my past.

What I am focusing on now is cultivating compassion for myself. I believe that, if I am kind to myself, it will increase my capacity for kindness towards others. I have a tendency to beat up on myself. I am inclined to judge my past actions on the basis of facts and support systems that are available to me now but to which I did not have access then. When I notice myself doing that, I make a conscious effort to return to the present moment, because that's all I have to work with.

With that said, I look forward to interacting with children at Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community. The prospect of living in an intergenerational community was one of the features that attracted me to cohousing. It will provide me with the joy of being in close proximity to little people who are full of life and energy. I experienced that exhilaration when I spent a few days at Creekside Commons in Courtenay, BC.

Not only will it be fun for me, but it also will provide a supportive environment for the parents of those young children. I will be one of the people who will form a surrogate extended family for them. The younger families in our community will have relationships with middle aged and older people who, although they are imperfect, nevertheless aspire to nonviolent communication.

Moving into cohousing will give me an opportunity to interact with children in new ways. I may not have a rewind button, but I do have the capacity to change, to chew through the cocoon that protected and yet imprisoned me when I was a caterpillar and emerge as a butterfly with greater range and freedom.

Happy sixth birthday to Lily, and happy metamorphosis day to Judy.