After I'd bought into Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community, but before I'd moved to Nanaimo, Susana e-mailed to tell me about the Thursday morning singing group to which she belongs -- Everybody Sings.
It operates on the principles of Ubuntu Choirs. That is, it is assumed that every human being knows how to sing (even if he/she doesn't believe he/she can). Members of the group are not given sheet music, lyrics, or anything else. Group members learn songs just as children in so called primitive cultures learn them -- by having the songs modelled by more experienced singers and by repetition.
The music comes from all over the world -- the United Kingdom, France, Germany, Spain, Russia, Israel, Kenya, and on and on. Participation is very informal. Group members can clap, wave their arms, tap their feet or even dance if they feel so moved.
Well, I finally got to experience this for myself when I participated in Everybody Sings last Thursday morning. It was really neat, or at least it was once I got past the mild panic I experienced during the first song. The two group leaders started out by asking us to sing in harmony. My first reaction was, "That's unfair. I don't even know this song, much less how to sing it in harmony."
But, after that first song, I ordered my mind to get out of the way. I chose to relax into the singing, allowing it to take me wherever it took me. Once I did that, it turned into a wonderful experience.
It seems to me that the way in which Everybody Sings operates is illustrative of the way in which Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community operates. Do we know how to "do" cohousing? If you want to get technical, we don't. It's not as if you can go out and get a diploma in cohousing or anything like that.
But, in embarking on a cohousing project, we in many ways are returning to a way of life that was common to humanity for centuries, if not millenia. So I believe the skills are contained in the collective unconscious of humankind.
Yet we in North America are out of practice. So it is extremely unlikely that we will get the harmony just right on our first rehearsal. But for all that, and without having been able to put it into words at the time, I passionately wanted to step into the cohousing circle and join in the cohousing song.
Am I ever glad I did.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Humour 101
Today I feel like some levity.
Having lived in Canada for a cumulative total of 27 years, I thought I had integrated very thoroughly -- to the point of practically having gone native.
But now I am reliably informed that my humour is weird.
I have received the dreaded diagnosis. I am a victim of CHDS (Canadian Humour Deficit Syndrome).
I looked for remedial classes on Vancouver Island University's calendar. Alas, I didn't find anything suitable.
:-)
Having lived in Canada for a cumulative total of 27 years, I thought I had integrated very thoroughly -- to the point of practically having gone native.
But now I am reliably informed that my humour is weird.
I have received the dreaded diagnosis. I am a victim of CHDS (Canadian Humour Deficit Syndrome).
I looked for remedial classes on Vancouver Island University's calendar. Alas, I didn't find anything suitable.
:-)
Monday, December 8, 2008
Home is where the heart is
Yesterday afternoon, a friend introduced me to lovely Westwood Lake. As the name suggests, it's on the western outskirts of Nanaimo. We had a most enjoyable walk on the forested trail around the lake.
Fortunately the Nanaimo that I am getting to know is prettier than the Nanaimo I first saw. On that initial visit, I had flown into Comox, rented a car, and driven south to Nanaimo. My first impression of Nanaimo was a series of strip malls, car dealerships and shopping malls along the highway. It was not an auspicious beginning.
In this respect, Nanaimo is not alone. Many towns in British Columbia are laid out in a similar way. The town is intersected by a highway lined with strip malls, car dealerships, and the like. If this was all you saw of the town, you might be underwhelmed.
Kamloops, in the interior of BC, is a case in point. I had driven through there several times on journeys between Calgary and Vancouver. I thought it was one of the most ordinary places I'd ever seen. Then, on one occasion, I had an overnight break there. I didn't stay in a motel along the highway, but one that was right in the heart of Kamloops. I got lost on my way to the motel, and had to meander through the town for some time. But this gave me a chance to see more of the town. What a difference that drive made. I got a very different impression -- and a most favourable one at that.
In having found Nanaimo, I feel as I imagine Goldilocks did after she'd identified just the right chair, just the right plate of porridge, and just the right bed. At this juncture in my life, Nanaimo feels just right.
But it is not just Nanaimo's pretty face that makes it feel so much like home -- although the point of this post is to acknowledge that Nanaimo does have a lot of beauty. What turned the walk around Westwood Lake from a black and white picture into a colour picture, from an emotional point of view, was having a friend with whom to share the constantly changing light and other things we noticed along the way.
By arriving in Nanaimo, not just as any stranger, but as a new co-owner of Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community, I have been privileged to have been embraced by a circle of friends. This circle is comprised not only of Pacific Gardeners, but also their friends who share a variety of interests with them. To paraphrase Goethe, this has made Nanaimo for me an inhabited garden.
Fortunately the Nanaimo that I am getting to know is prettier than the Nanaimo I first saw. On that initial visit, I had flown into Comox, rented a car, and driven south to Nanaimo. My first impression of Nanaimo was a series of strip malls, car dealerships and shopping malls along the highway. It was not an auspicious beginning.
In this respect, Nanaimo is not alone. Many towns in British Columbia are laid out in a similar way. The town is intersected by a highway lined with strip malls, car dealerships, and the like. If this was all you saw of the town, you might be underwhelmed.
Kamloops, in the interior of BC, is a case in point. I had driven through there several times on journeys between Calgary and Vancouver. I thought it was one of the most ordinary places I'd ever seen. Then, on one occasion, I had an overnight break there. I didn't stay in a motel along the highway, but one that was right in the heart of Kamloops. I got lost on my way to the motel, and had to meander through the town for some time. But this gave me a chance to see more of the town. What a difference that drive made. I got a very different impression -- and a most favourable one at that.
In having found Nanaimo, I feel as I imagine Goldilocks did after she'd identified just the right chair, just the right plate of porridge, and just the right bed. At this juncture in my life, Nanaimo feels just right.
But it is not just Nanaimo's pretty face that makes it feel so much like home -- although the point of this post is to acknowledge that Nanaimo does have a lot of beauty. What turned the walk around Westwood Lake from a black and white picture into a colour picture, from an emotional point of view, was having a friend with whom to share the constantly changing light and other things we noticed along the way.
By arriving in Nanaimo, not just as any stranger, but as a new co-owner of Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community, I have been privileged to have been embraced by a circle of friends. This circle is comprised not only of Pacific Gardeners, but also their friends who share a variety of interests with them. To paraphrase Goethe, this has made Nanaimo for me an inhabited garden.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Am I selfish or selfless?
It has just occurred to me that joining a cohousing community has been a paradoxical experience for me. It simultaneously has been one of the most selfish things I've done and one of the most selfless.
In choosing cohousing, I've been selfish. I no longer was willing to settle for mediocrity in my life. A situation that was anything less than the gold standard -- in terms of authentic social relationships, interaction with the natural environment, and so -- just didn't cut it. So I have been feeling happy, actually blissful, ever since I joined Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community.
Yet, at the same time, it has been a demanding process. Just on a simple, housekeeping level, there have been time commitments (planning meetings, etc.).
On an emotional level, there have been rough spots. We have had ample opportunity to practise what we've been learning about compassionate communication. (If you want to find out more about that, I recommend Marshall Rosenberg's excellent book, Nonviolent Communication : A Language of Life.)
It takes fierce commitment for me to listen, really listen, to someone whose behaviour I perceive as difficult or unreasonable. Yet the breakthroughs that our group has enjoyed when we've persevered through a difficult situation have been intensely rewarding.
The other day I saw an enquiry from a woman on an Internet forum about intentional communities or cohousing communities. She was asking if anyone knew of a community that was supportive but that would allow her to keep her life simple, that would not involve time commitments, that would not require meetings, and so on. Well, hello?!? Perhaps she had never heard the saying about pop bottles, "No investment, no return."
In choosing cohousing, I've been selfish. I no longer was willing to settle for mediocrity in my life. A situation that was anything less than the gold standard -- in terms of authentic social relationships, interaction with the natural environment, and so -- just didn't cut it. So I have been feeling happy, actually blissful, ever since I joined Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community.
Yet, at the same time, it has been a demanding process. Just on a simple, housekeeping level, there have been time commitments (planning meetings, etc.).
On an emotional level, there have been rough spots. We have had ample opportunity to practise what we've been learning about compassionate communication. (If you want to find out more about that, I recommend Marshall Rosenberg's excellent book, Nonviolent Communication : A Language of Life.)
It takes fierce commitment for me to listen, really listen, to someone whose behaviour I perceive as difficult or unreasonable. Yet the breakthroughs that our group has enjoyed when we've persevered through a difficult situation have been intensely rewarding.
The other day I saw an enquiry from a woman on an Internet forum about intentional communities or cohousing communities. She was asking if anyone knew of a community that was supportive but that would allow her to keep her life simple, that would not involve time commitments, that would not require meetings, and so on. Well, hello?!? Perhaps she had never heard the saying about pop bottles, "No investment, no return."
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Divorcing my car
When you hang around with a lot of carless people, as I am doing, you start to feel a bit ridiculous if you own a car. At least that's how I'm feeling.
Several members of Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community don't own cars. This also is true of some people in our wider circle of friends.
None of them has said a word about my vehicle. But, without anyone saying anything, I have come to feel -- as I said above -- a bit ridiculous.
At the moment I am renting an oceanfront condo that has a delightful view but that is far from town. So, until my lease expires in the middle of January, I won't be able to cut the umbilical chord.
However, I currently am looking at a couple of rental properties close to downtown. I plan to move to one of them when my current rental arrangement expires.
I have applied to join Vancouver's Co-operative Auto Network, which has a satellite office here in Nanaimo. This car sharing club would give me access to a car on the odd occasion that I felt the need for it.
The nice thing is that there is reciprocity amongst several car sharing clubs. I haven't investigated the list of cities and towns that's involved. But I know that, at a minimum, the car sharing club will give me access to cars in Vancouver, Victoria and Comox and of course here in Nanaimo too.
Many of my friends manage very nicely by using a combination of walking, bicycling, transit and membership of the car sharing club. They look fit too, without having to go to a gym.
The biggest single factor that will enable me to divorce my car will be Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community's location. During the early discussions, friends of the founders tried to persuade them to buy a cheaper parcel of land further out. But, from the beginning, proximity to urban amenities was on their non-negotiable wish list. I will be forever grateful that they stuck to their resolve to be within easy walking distance of schools, grocery stores, etc.
The downtown/harbour area and Vancouver Island University are a little further away, but still within walking distance, and certainly within easy cycling distance. It's 2 km (or 1.2 miles) to the downtown/harbour area and 2.5 km (1.5 miles) to Vancouver Island University in the other direction.
Several members of Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community don't own cars. This also is true of some people in our wider circle of friends.
None of them has said a word about my vehicle. But, without anyone saying anything, I have come to feel -- as I said above -- a bit ridiculous.
At the moment I am renting an oceanfront condo that has a delightful view but that is far from town. So, until my lease expires in the middle of January, I won't be able to cut the umbilical chord.
However, I currently am looking at a couple of rental properties close to downtown. I plan to move to one of them when my current rental arrangement expires.
I have applied to join Vancouver's Co-operative Auto Network, which has a satellite office here in Nanaimo. This car sharing club would give me access to a car on the odd occasion that I felt the need for it.
The nice thing is that there is reciprocity amongst several car sharing clubs. I haven't investigated the list of cities and towns that's involved. But I know that, at a minimum, the car sharing club will give me access to cars in Vancouver, Victoria and Comox and of course here in Nanaimo too.
Many of my friends manage very nicely by using a combination of walking, bicycling, transit and membership of the car sharing club. They look fit too, without having to go to a gym.
The biggest single factor that will enable me to divorce my car will be Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community's location. During the early discussions, friends of the founders tried to persuade them to buy a cheaper parcel of land further out. But, from the beginning, proximity to urban amenities was on their non-negotiable wish list. I will be forever grateful that they stuck to their resolve to be within easy walking distance of schools, grocery stores, etc.
The downtown/harbour area and Vancouver Island University are a little further away, but still within walking distance, and certainly within easy cycling distance. It's 2 km (or 1.2 miles) to the downtown/harbour area and 2.5 km (1.5 miles) to Vancouver Island University in the other direction.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Delightful Dilemma
The delightful dilemma that I face in Nanaimo is that there are so many fun activities from which to choose.
I find that on about five out of seven nights there are events that appeal to me. Many of them are free or by voluntary donation.
Sometimes there simultaneously are two or three events that are equally appealing, and I'm forced to choose from amongst them.
Occasionally I skip an event that sounds as if it would be interesting or fun, because I need a night off!
This is what my social calendar for this week looks like:
Sunday night - Taize (tay-zay), a meditative and musical service at Bethlehem Retreat Centre - FREE
Monday - Drove 100 km (60 miles) each way to Courtenay, to visit my dear friend, Christina. I paid for the gasoline, and she took me out to lunch. As I prepare to cut the umbilical chord between my vehicle and me, I have resolved not to drive up there by myself again. Next time I go, I intend to catch the train or the bus.
Monday night - A night off, what a concept
Tuesday afternoon - Had to miss a forum about the Alberta Tar Sands at Vancouver Island University in order to attend a Marketing Committee meeting and a Board of Directors meeting for Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community. But, having just moved from Alberta myself, I am not entirely a stranger to the issues that must have been addressed at that forum. The pithy title of William Marsden's book most likely summarizes the information and opinions that were presented there -- Stupid to the Last Drop.
Tuesday night - Spontaneous invitation to a Greek restaurant from Susana. We both were interested in a talk that Gwynne Dyer was giving at Vancouver Island University. But we also wanted some down time and a chance to get to know each other better. Dyer's presentation no doubt would have been interesting, but I sure enjoyed the conversation with Susana. She generously picked up the tab so, from my point of view, the meal was FREE.
Wednesday night (tonight) - Mr. Holland's Opus, one in the Mid-Week Movies series that addresses mental health issues - FREE
Thursday morning - Ubuntu Choir - Costs $7 for a drop-in session. (Next year I'll go for the $25/month package deal.)
Friday night - Family Sphaghetti Dinner and Sing-along at the First Unitarian Fellowship of Nanaimo - voluntary donation
Saturday night - Potluck dinner with friends. Cost? Well, I suppose if I wanted to get technical I'd say I have to buy ingredients for the casserole dish I'll take. But the occasion essentially will be free or, rather, because of the company of friends, priceless.
Sunday afternoon - Hike with the Whiners Hiking Club. I'm not sure about that, as there are some other options for Sunday afternoon. But I've pencilled it into my calendar. If I do go, it'll be FREE.
Sunday night - The Singing Christmas Tree at the Evangelistic Tabernacle Family Church, an annual concert that reportedly is very, very good and FREE.
One of the things that will be so cool when we're actually living in community is that we'll have the pleasure of good food and good company when we have a couple of communal meals a week in our common house.
I find that on about five out of seven nights there are events that appeal to me. Many of them are free or by voluntary donation.
Sometimes there simultaneously are two or three events that are equally appealing, and I'm forced to choose from amongst them.
Occasionally I skip an event that sounds as if it would be interesting or fun, because I need a night off!
This is what my social calendar for this week looks like:
Sunday night - Taize (tay-zay), a meditative and musical service at Bethlehem Retreat Centre - FREE
Monday - Drove 100 km (60 miles) each way to Courtenay, to visit my dear friend, Christina. I paid for the gasoline, and she took me out to lunch. As I prepare to cut the umbilical chord between my vehicle and me, I have resolved not to drive up there by myself again. Next time I go, I intend to catch the train or the bus.
Monday night - A night off, what a concept
Tuesday afternoon - Had to miss a forum about the Alberta Tar Sands at Vancouver Island University in order to attend a Marketing Committee meeting and a Board of Directors meeting for Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community. But, having just moved from Alberta myself, I am not entirely a stranger to the issues that must have been addressed at that forum. The pithy title of William Marsden's book most likely summarizes the information and opinions that were presented there -- Stupid to the Last Drop.
Tuesday night - Spontaneous invitation to a Greek restaurant from Susana. We both were interested in a talk that Gwynne Dyer was giving at Vancouver Island University. But we also wanted some down time and a chance to get to know each other better. Dyer's presentation no doubt would have been interesting, but I sure enjoyed the conversation with Susana. She generously picked up the tab so, from my point of view, the meal was FREE.
Wednesday night (tonight) - Mr. Holland's Opus, one in the Mid-Week Movies series that addresses mental health issues - FREE
Thursday morning - Ubuntu Choir - Costs $7 for a drop-in session. (Next year I'll go for the $25/month package deal.)
Friday night - Family Sphaghetti Dinner and Sing-along at the First Unitarian Fellowship of Nanaimo - voluntary donation
Saturday night - Potluck dinner with friends. Cost? Well, I suppose if I wanted to get technical I'd say I have to buy ingredients for the casserole dish I'll take. But the occasion essentially will be free or, rather, because of the company of friends, priceless.
Sunday afternoon - Hike with the Whiners Hiking Club. I'm not sure about that, as there are some other options for Sunday afternoon. But I've pencilled it into my calendar. If I do go, it'll be FREE.
Sunday night - The Singing Christmas Tree at the Evangelistic Tabernacle Family Church, an annual concert that reportedly is very, very good and FREE.
One of the things that will be so cool when we're actually living in community is that we'll have the pleasure of good food and good company when we have a couple of communal meals a week in our common house.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Walking the talk
Yesterday I visited my ex-Calgary friend, Christina, at Creekside Commons Cohousing in Courtenay, BC (100 km or 60 miles north of Nanaimo).
We were saying how much we loved being involved in cohousing and comparing notes on what it was about it that enchanted us.
We both agreed that our fellow cohos were nutty as fruit cakes (and we allowed as we might be just a little off the wall ourselves).
Christina said she thought cohousing was much more like an extended family than a community. She said that, in all the other groups to which she belonged (her professional association, hobby circles, etc.), there was a self-selection process that ensured that people were pretty similar. But in cohousing peoople were much more varied, and we had to figure out how to live with them, warts and all.
Now that I think back on what she said, she was onto something, but I think there's more to it than that. I don't think it's that people in cohousing are more varied than they are in Christina's professional association or hobby groups. In fact, buying into a cohousing community is a self-selecting process too. Cohousing doesn't appeal to everyone. The very act of joining a cohousing community parachutes you into a group with which you share some broad values.
I think what it is about cohousing is that more aspects of your lives intersect.
If you're involved during the planning stages, you have to make some tough decisions. Financial constraints often force you to choose amongst priorities. You have to decide which socially supportive and environmentally-friendly design elements are non-negotiable and which you are willing to drop.
Once we at Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community are living in our strata complex, we'll be cooking and eating communal meals in our common house a couple of times a week. Some of us will be doing organic gardening together. Others of us will run a car sharing club. And on and on.
What I think Christina was trying to say, and almost put her finger on it, is that the cohousing lifestyle is as encompassing as extended family life is.
Extended families who are united by blood and marriage enjoy varying degrees of success when it comes to love and tolerance towards each other. In Christina's and my experience, cohos are extraordinarly committed to the ideal of community and towards the individual members of their communities.
They may have deep disagreements at times, but they'll go to the ends of the earth to understand where someone else is coming from and to find a creative solution that caters to individual idiosyncracies.
I probably could draw up a list of 300 reasons why I joined a cohousing community and why I love it. But, if I was forced to give you only one reason for joining, I would say it was to engage in peace making. In the past I had participated in political activities that promoted peace and opposed war. But I started to feel like a fake, because I wasn't that good at getting on with the people immediately around me. I was haunted by Gandhi's words, "Be the change you want to see."
Waking up in the morning, knowing that, before I've even lifted my head off my pillow, my life already is more congruent with my values, makes a world of difference.
We were saying how much we loved being involved in cohousing and comparing notes on what it was about it that enchanted us.
We both agreed that our fellow cohos were nutty as fruit cakes (and we allowed as we might be just a little off the wall ourselves).
Christina said she thought cohousing was much more like an extended family than a community. She said that, in all the other groups to which she belonged (her professional association, hobby circles, etc.), there was a self-selection process that ensured that people were pretty similar. But in cohousing peoople were much more varied, and we had to figure out how to live with them, warts and all.
Now that I think back on what she said, she was onto something, but I think there's more to it than that. I don't think it's that people in cohousing are more varied than they are in Christina's professional association or hobby groups. In fact, buying into a cohousing community is a self-selecting process too. Cohousing doesn't appeal to everyone. The very act of joining a cohousing community parachutes you into a group with which you share some broad values.
I think what it is about cohousing is that more aspects of your lives intersect.
If you're involved during the planning stages, you have to make some tough decisions. Financial constraints often force you to choose amongst priorities. You have to decide which socially supportive and environmentally-friendly design elements are non-negotiable and which you are willing to drop.
Once we at Pacific Gardens Cohousing Community are living in our strata complex, we'll be cooking and eating communal meals in our common house a couple of times a week. Some of us will be doing organic gardening together. Others of us will run a car sharing club. And on and on.
What I think Christina was trying to say, and almost put her finger on it, is that the cohousing lifestyle is as encompassing as extended family life is.
Extended families who are united by blood and marriage enjoy varying degrees of success when it comes to love and tolerance towards each other. In Christina's and my experience, cohos are extraordinarly committed to the ideal of community and towards the individual members of their communities.
They may have deep disagreements at times, but they'll go to the ends of the earth to understand where someone else is coming from and to find a creative solution that caters to individual idiosyncracies.
I probably could draw up a list of 300 reasons why I joined a cohousing community and why I love it. But, if I was forced to give you only one reason for joining, I would say it was to engage in peace making. In the past I had participated in political activities that promoted peace and opposed war. But I started to feel like a fake, because I wasn't that good at getting on with the people immediately around me. I was haunted by Gandhi's words, "Be the change you want to see."
Waking up in the morning, knowing that, before I've even lifted my head off my pillow, my life already is more congruent with my values, makes a world of difference.
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